Public Service Announcement

$3 full-length mirrors from Target may fall off the door at 4:29am and shatter into 5,436 pieces when your husband has to leave for work at 7am and you don’t have to leave until 11am leaving you to literally pick up the pieces of this failed relationship (mirror-door, not husband-wife). It’s also possible, likely even, that your dog (7 1/2 months and 75 pounds now, folks…honestly) will think it’s a game of grab-and-run. So, the whole picking-up-and-vacuuming thing? Not such a smooth process.

I found myself standing in the hallway (with that ridiculous Katie Couric on in the background- does she report or opinion? I suppose that’s another story…) channelling my mother who used to yell “Get away…GET AWAY from here without any shoes on!” With a dog, mind you, I am having this conversation.

I ran to the kitchen and got out the traditional glass-picking-up tool of a brown paper bag (this, again, I get from my mother. I don’t know how you do it in your house, but here it is only acceptable to put broken glass in a brown paper bag). After hand-to-hand combat with the shattered mirror, it’s of course time to vacuum. I don’t think we registered for a new vacuum, but we should have. Our current one has no “glass power” which will now be required on all future models. I am quick to realize we have many many things in the basement that can probably help me. I finally locate and lug up the shop vac after uncovering it from 2 jumbo-size-wife-encompasing painting drop cloths and extracting it from behind a huge wood-planing-machine left from the previous Mr. Mulder resident. You can build anything in our basement. I’m serious. It wouldn’t suprise me to see a Navy battleship come out of there one day.

Where’s Abe, you ask? He’s laying behind the rocking chair watching me from way afar because the sound of the monster-machine scares him. Truth be told, it scares me too. The thing sucks up the foundation of our house as you run it over the carpet. I don’t care who you are, that’s scary. But it works. No more glass in the hallway…which is a nice thing to be able to tell guests. “Our carpet is glass-free! Roll around…have no fear. We’re all about safety here at 650 Kellogg.”

Enough of this craziness. I’m gonna go to work and teach 10 year-olds how to climb 30 foot walls.


About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

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