one of these legs is not like the other

When Curt sings the Sesame Street theme song (and he does quite often- loud and unashamedly) it goes like this:

[the followng has been adjusted at Curt’s request, 1.19.06]

Sesame Street…

Sweep it up!
Clouds away!
Friendly neighbors go where the AIR is CLEAN!
Canyoutellmehowtogethowtogettooooooooo
Sesame Street?

And, this is his impression of my lizard face. Nice.

I went to the doctor Monday…the chiropractor. This blog will be a place where the pro-chiropractors and the anti-chiropractors can co-exist peacefully, understand people? I will have no debates here. I love my chiropractor in the way one loves someone who is able to fix an ailment in just a few quick, carefully calculated movements of the spine. You shall not insult my doctor here. Take your nonsense elsewhere.

I never have probelms with my lower back- it’s always my right shoulder and the neck. Monday, however, Doc noticed my feet were uneven…adjusted me…but still wasn’t satisfied. “Something’s not quite right. Do you hurt?” “No,” I replied honestly. “Well, let me know next time if there’s anything out of the ordinary.” I agree…silently wondering if he really truly wants to know about anything in my life that’s out of the ordinary…like the fact that Abe rode from 68th Street to Cherry Street with his head hanging out the window in the pouring rain yesterday or that I’ve kept track of my work keys for 10.5 hours in a row. He’s prolly talking about my back.

I go home to a pile of laundry to be folded. Sheets, in particular, which tend to swallow me. I’d love to see someone else fold sheets. I can’t seem to do it without actually getting inside the sheet, which I assume is unnecessary in the real world. As I am in the on-the-floor mode with the sheet, folding it to fit in the closet, I notice that my left leg feels incredibly tight. Perhaps, I think, it is because I am sitting on my knees and I am now officially too old for this posture. I ignore it. I approach the 84th fold, close to the end, and the left leg pain returns increasing sharper…pinching almost. I am begin to think my chiropractor is more than average genious and possibly prophetic. There is something wrong with my leg!

I stand…sheet in hand…and the pinching disappears. I reach down and feel my Levis behind the left knee. It’s unbelievably soft. It’s…padded, almost. It’s…not quite right. It’s definitely…out of the ordinary. I feel the Levis again for confirmation, this time being a bit more investigative…prodding. Hmmm.

Suddenly, everything clicks in my brain. It all starts to make sense. My face turns NC State red as I shake and shake the left leg violently until a purple sock from the day before falls lifelessly to the floor.

He was right. One of these legs was not like the other.

And I’ll never tell him why.

And you won’t either, if you know what’s good for you.

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About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

6 responses to “one of these legs is not like the other

  • Chris

    Oh my goodness you make me smile. Especially that picture of Curt. Oh gracious be.

    P.S. Chiropractors have done wonders for my mom, too. I went once and hurt a lot afterward, so I didn’t go back. I’m told that you have to go a few times before you don’t get sore anymore.

  • diane

    It’s not my chiropractor that I love, it’s the massage that I get there every week. Yes, a full-body, 60-minute massage. Thanks to MESSA I get 38 FREE massages a year.

    It pays to work in Public Education.

    However, as glorious as it sounds, it’s not quite-so-wonderful. We’ve come to grade my massages on a weekly basis and…well, let’s face it. I’m a failure. Today I walked away with a C+ though and no purple socks in my trousers.

    Did you already own the purple socks when you bought the aforementioned purple items? Or did you buy the socks to match your new purchases?

  • bec

    Kate, it is ALWAYS okay to turn NC State red – oh the joy I feel at that description of what color your face was. I have done good work to make you think of it like that. 🙂 At least it wasn’t underwear – I have done that after pulling jeans straight from the dryer and putting them on without inspecting them first. Eek.

  • @m

    k8,
    Hilarious; so funny I almost forgive U 4 not telling me about Miss Winner. Your blogs R getting better & funnier all the time. Keep it up.

  • KatieKate

    Um…you should forgive me. Don’t hang on to that stuff.

    We need to get working on our costumes for all-country Sunday on the 29th…I wanna be June Carter.

  • KatieKate

    Diane…
    Ah, this is a good question. The purple socks started (um, 15 years ago) as maroon dress socks that matched a church outfit. They were unpopular and used rarely because I was more into the Molly Rigwald slouchy style socks- alternating colors and doubling up. Now, after 15 years of travel and such, the socks have faded to a purple-maroonish hue that is suitable for accompanying jeans and such. But you’re right- I have miscalculated my number of purple items. Hmmm. Interesting.

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