my conversation with another man

[character sketch]
Tony is our neighbor out at the Farm. He’s Spanish…and I don’t mean Spanish like Division Spanish, I mean Spanish like Barcelona Spanish. He’s short, he’s got impecable taste in wine, and he’s one of the nicest guys on earth. We’re lucky to have him and his family out there. He’s also got the world’s thickest accent. My brain always goes into a 3-second delay when we talk because I have to match words…which makes my respose a little slow…which makes me look a little dumb, but hey. I find that it helps if I squint my eyes when I listen to him…my translation skills double. Just sayin’. Try it. Go ahead, try it.

So, the other night our home phone rings…and I answer.

[story commences]
me: hello?
me: heLLO?
Hey- days a fiyah on you pro-pe-ty
me: hello? A what?
A fiya! You betta git out heya!
me: Tony! Hi! There’s a fire out at the propoerty?
Yes! Yes! A fiya!
me: A fire? Are you kidding me?
No! Days trucks everywhere out heya. You betta hurry.
me: But it’s winter! There’s snow everywhere (sort of)!
Aw…I’s jus jokin’ wit you. I play joke. Funny, eh? *hehehe* Aw…I got you, Keht!
me: Tony. That’s not funny. It could be funny, except the last time you called there actually was a fire.
me: (a little sour) So, how’s Spain doin’ in the Olympics? know, we are a veddy veddy small country…I tink maybe we have only 1 man in the Olympics this time.
me: So, not very good is what you’re sayin’…no medals or anything.
No, no…no medals.
me: Humph.

He was calling to let us know our neighbor had put his house up for sale…which is nice…really…it’s nice.
I dreamed that night of sirens and charred grass and idoit fire rings and stupid young kids that all looked like me.
But I’m ok. Nothing another week of therapy can’t fix.

Tip for the week: when sorting laundry, sort the white pile far far away from the red pile. Trust me.


About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

5 responses to “my conversation with another man

  • trase

    you make’a me laugh

    (wait, I think that was more italian)

    “Division spanish”… ha! I get a lot of that.

    No, what amazes me more is about you and Curt… you don’t even actually live on the property yet, and you have made such a nice bond with the neighbors, that he feels freedom to call and joke with you.

    That is beautiful.

  • diane

    If you ever need help with translating…you know who to call, yes?

    One of my students just told me that he gave up Spanish for Lent.

  • Miss Chris

    Not a bad idea, Diane. I was going to give up homework for Lent, but I realized it was the getting-up-and-going-to-class part that really got me down.


    Kate! I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. (Tell me what movie it’s from and you win! – but I can’t give cool prizes like madonna gloves, I’m sorry.)

    No, but in all seriousness, I miss you tons, and Bible study. We’re studying parts of the Bible in one of my classes and it’s really, really hard to look at it in a literary perspective. It’s even harder to write a seven-page paper that way. Eeeek.

  • KatieKate

    Miss Chris…
    It’s from a Knitght’s Tale!
    I win.
    And, I miss you, too. I bet you are rocking th ecollege world, though. I bet the literary perspective is really interesting. Curt and I are going through a Torah class which is also a completely brand new way for us to look at stuff. Ya just never stop learning, you know?

  • miss chris

    You win! 😀

    Everytime I walk by one of our University bookstores, called ‘Ulrich’s’, I always get Paul Bettany’s voice in my head shouting, “Sir Uuuuuuuuuuuullllrich von Lichtenstein!”

    Haha. Good times, good times.

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