the one in which I school you in how to lose things off the top of your car without really trying

Load up unassumingly, grab some Yesterdogs for lunch, and then park yourselves near Scary Cherry and watch the demo guys work to restore an old landmark.

Head off, again unassumingly, up 131N towards Mancelona and the mountain.
Hear an annoying flapping sound, take notice, and then correct it by opening the sunroof and stuffing the shoelace back inside the bag. Notice the bag is slightly unzipped, but assume that it won’t go any further.
You’re doing great so far. Just enjoy the ride for an hour or so. Sunshine…trees…it’s nice, isn’t it?
Look at Natalie next to you in the backseat and say, “Does that sound weird to you?”
Open the sunroof again. Notice the bag is now flapping int he wind while the 2 snowboards inside are doing wheelies off the roof. Begin to wonder where all the clothes and gear are that were originally inside the now flapping bag.
Find an “authorized vehicles only” turnaround, make a reckless u-turn, and fly to the shoulder on the other side of the highway to assess the situation.
Do the invetory and realize you are down 2 boots, and 2 pair of snow pants.
Find one of the supposed-missing pair of pants in another bag inside the car. Shove the snowboards down the center of the inside of the car, forever separating Kate and Natalie. Begin wild safari chase down 131S to find missing gear.
Spot the boots. They will be in very center of the northbound highway. Send the younger brother out into traffic with style to retrieve the gear. Continue South to find the pants.

Spot something suspicious on the side of the road and realize it’s an unaccounted for missing pair of goggles. Make note to pick those up once headed North again. Continue South to find the pants.
Spot the pants that look remarkably like a bag of trash, also in the middle of the road. Again, send younger brother out into traffic to retrieve them, but only after witnessing two cars completely crush them with their axles.

Swing a u-turn in a cop-hiding-spot and resume speed on Northbound 131, scouring the left side for the afore-spotted goggles. Spot them at the last second and utilize the ABS brakes to thier fullest. Send out the maniac driver.

Celebrate like children and recount the half-hour adventure for the next hour until you reach Mancelona and the mountain. Stuff the 2 brothers in the trunk and drive to dinner.

Still talk about it with a smile 2 weeks later.


About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

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