I’ll admit I’m more than slightly depressed.
I’ll also admit everything is unpacked except my box of clothes. I fully expect it to sit there for another week before I get around to it. Don’t judge me.
And so we begin.
There are many ways NOT to see a bear on your vacation. My recommendation for seeing a bear in its natural habitat…perhaps with some young cubs running nearby…my suggestion is to NOT take me with you. I assure you, my absence will all but guarantee that you will see one or two or seven of these magnificent creatures.
Proof 1: Set up camp in campsite #36 before dark. Leave for a beautiful scenic drive at dusk- say, 5pm. Return around 8pm. Meet the Park Ranger. “Didja happen to see the black bear wander through camp- over near site #30- around 5:30pm today? They say it was gorgeous.” Make note to snag site #30 tomorrow when the group leaves.
Proof 2: Stop for ice cream in the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Fight with an Indian man over the correct pronunciation of chocolate. Continue on our way for about 100 meters when we aree stopped by 100 people returning to their 30 cars on the side of the road. “ Whaddja just see???” we asked. “Oh, we’ve been watching a grizzly and her 3 cubs for the last hour. She was awesome.” Curt assures me there will be many more chances.
Proof 3: Get excited when hiking and see a pile of *ahem* fresh evidence on the trail in Glacier. Be alert. Hike another mile. Stop on side of trail and console child who is falling apart and will have no more of this ‘hiking crap.’ Send brother and husband back down trail to fetch cars. Meet boys up above at road. “Guess what- when we ran back down, we scared up this little baby cub and he jumped and he grabbed onto the tree on the side of the trail and we scooted past before his mamma could come!” Sulk.
Proof 4: Send brother and sister-in-law out for pickles and some hard cider. The bear thing is really starting to get to me. They return with camera in hand…and, fortunately, some Hornsby’s. “Look! You shoulda’ come to the grocery store! On the way back this little guy was sitting on the side of the road just waiting for us!” Grumble.
Proof 5: Send husband, father, brother, and sister-in-law on Glacier hike. Stay behind to re-introduce Rylie to the world of slumber. Eat lunch at local diner. Notice a sign on counter saying the Glacier hike is closed due to 7 bear sightings. Head back to camp. Realize all our gear has been confiscated for “being attractive to bears- please pay $75 to have it returned you idiot tourists.” I was going to explain that I am natural bear repellant, but she didn’t look game AND had a loaded side arm. Look at sister-in-law’s pictures from the abbreviated Glacier hike and see, of course, a bear. Humph.
Proof 7: Arrive home after 27 hours of driving- and no bears for KatieKate– and are greeted by our neighbor. “Yep…’s pretty quiet while y’all were gone ‘cept for the black bear that walked down the road and into our back woods. Best keep Abe inside for awhile. He was a big one.” Of course he was.
I made a pound cake today. Can’t say I’ve ever made a pound cake before…let alone in a bundt pan, but hey. I can be a baker if I wanna. I can decide to like cake. I can take a break from bread (but not for long) and add eggs to the mix. I’m 30 now. I put a little stream of strawberry puree around the bottom for a teeny surprise. Oh, the goodness of this cake- I cannot even tell you. Make it by following these directions. Make sure you turn the oven ON. Skipping this step has been known to add up to 2 hours of cooking time. Sheesh.
Off to look for more bears…