Peanut fell off the (non-moving, non-on) lawnmower Tuesday and couldn’t get her hands out quick enough. She now has an awesome bruise inbetwixt her eyes and a line across her cheek. I was right there. I don’t know how it happened. I broke my daughter’s face. I expect CPS to show up any day now.
I tried to pay our Discover bill a little too close to the edge (waiting for one more paycheck deposit) and received our first late fee. Electronic payments take 4 to 7 days to post, Peeps. Who knew? They were kind enough to remove the late fee but can do nothing about the finance charges, which are ironically almost as much as the original bill. Being dumb can be very expensive.
I rear-ended someone at a stop sign on my way out of the big city yesterday. There is nothing in this world that can make you feel dumber than hitting something that is sitting still… except maybe the witness who stopped in case I was going to flee the scene and kept repeating, “I just can’t figure out why you went when there was someone in front of you! It was so strange! I was like, What are you doing???” I dunno, Lady. It was an ACCIDENT and therefore, un-planned. It’s been over 10 years since I was in an accident. Never has it been my fault. And, even though my accident ticket is less than the parking tickets my husband periodically brings home, I still. feel. dumb.
Every car trip with Rylie is a race against nakedness. From the time we finished lunch with Renae to the time of the accident, she had one shoe off. By the time the police officer finished the accident report, Ry had the other shoe off, both socks off, half a pant leg off, and was working on a sleeve. I’m amazed we were able to get out of there without a citation for Indecent Exposure. She loved the flashing blue and red lights, though. She kept pointing in the rearview mirror with wide eyes and saying, “Mmmmmm! Mmmmmmmm!” Yes, Dear. I got those just for you today.
I thought, since the week was already going so well, that I should go ahead and just rob a gas station or something to round it out…but I was wearing a Gap shirt and Earth shoes and it just didn’t feel right. I think I’m jus’ gonna head on down to the county jail and ask them to lock me up for awhile. For your safety.
I read all of your comments, usually several times. When they’re especially nice or funny (like Monday’s), I print them out on pink perfumed stationery and sleep with them under my pillow thinking maybe your goodness will seep into my brain at night and I’ll wake up a better person.
stupidity humility now accepted.