when it rains, it pours

Twice in the past 4 days, I’ve left the sunroof and/or windows open in the car during a torrential Spring rain shower. I have the wet corduroys to prove it.

Peanut fell off the (non-moving, non-on) lawnmower Tuesday and couldn’t get her hands out quick enough. She now has an awesome bruise inbetwixt her eyes and a line across her cheek. I was right there. I don’t know how it happened. I broke my daughter’s face. I expect CPS to show up any day now.

I tried to pay our Discover bill a little too close to the edge (waiting for one more paycheck deposit) and received our first late fee. Electronic payments take 4 to 7 days to post, Peeps. Who knew? They were kind enough to remove the late fee but can do nothing about the finance charges, which are ironically almost as much as the original bill. Being dumb can be very expensive.

I rear-ended someone at a stop sign on my way out of the big city yesterday. There is nothing in this world that can make you feel dumber than hitting something that is sitting still… except maybe the witness who stopped in case I was going to flee the scene and kept repeating, “I just can’t figure out why you went when there was someone in front of you! It was so strange! I was like, What are you doing???” I dunno, Lady. It was an ACCIDENT and therefore, un-planned. It’s been over 10 years since I was in an accident. Never has it been my fault. And, even though my accident ticket is less than the parking tickets my husband periodically brings home, I still. feel. dumb.

Every car trip with Rylie is a race against nakedness. From the time we finished lunch with Renae to the time of the accident, she had one shoe off. By the time the police officer finished the accident report, Ry had the other shoe off, both socks off, half a pant leg off, and was working on a sleeve. I’m amazed we were able to get out of there without a citation for Indecent Exposure. She loved the flashing blue and red lights, though. She kept pointing in the rearview mirror with wide eyes and saying, “Mmmmmm! Mmmmmmmm!” Yes, Dear. I got those just for you today.

I thought, since the week was already going so well, that I should go ahead and just rob a gas station or something to round it out…but I was wearing a Gap shirt and Earth shoes and it just didn’t feel right. I think I’m jus’ gonna head on down to the county jail and ask them to lock me up for awhile. For your safety.

I read all of your comments, usually several times. When they’re especially nice or funny (like Monday’s), I print them out on pink perfumed stationery and sleep with them under my pillow thinking maybe your goodness will seep into my brain at night and I’ll wake up a better person.
Thank you.

Stories of stupidity humility now accepted.

And y’all be careful this weekend, mmmm’k?

About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

24 responses to “when it rains, it pours

  • Rebecca


    You were WITH me when I rear-ended someone sitting still – don’t you remember that? I was just waiting for that to be mentioned in your accident story. Lucky for us the good ole Wolfpack boy had a trailer hitch, which meant hitting that and no damage to his pickup truck. You’d been in NC all of 12 minutes and I hit someone…at a redlight. And, if I recall, you took pictures… 🙂

  • KatieKate

    Oh my gosh- you are so right!!! I DO have pictures of that, uh, incident!

  • sunday

    you make my world!
    I hit a telephone poll in Boone, in the morning. I was asked if I was drinking by friends when I did it, I was nice. The police man was nice enough to tell me that they weren’t go to charge me for the telephone poll, that was nice….right? Hey the sun was in my eyes and I am sticking to that story. Talk about feeling dumb the whole coffee shop was looking at me, it destroyed the ole 4-runner. Oh an poor poor rylie. BellaRose has been currently walking around the bug bruise on her head from falling out of the car seat on the floor. Worth and I were both right there. oh well i hear there are more bruises coming.

  • sunday

    i meant to say i was NOT drinking, not sure how nice came out of that one.

  • sunday

    last comment, promise. my first comment almost makes no sense. i am going to stop explaining and let you just figure it out. you can tell the morning i am having.

  • thekooiet

    Sunday! You are so funny! 🙂

    I think I told you about hitting one of those big yellow barriers surrounding a parking lot light…they never move. NEVER EVER.

    My van still has the yellow to prove it.

    Yeah, can you believe it?!? I was look’n at a gas map of the US and Michigan is one of the most expensive states….it’s 4.00 in Holland. I’ll rob a gas station with you…my dad can get us out of jail.

    I’m getting off this computer and I will get ready to leave now.

  • CortneyTree

    On a snowy Christmas night I once rolled my car, *very gently* into a field and was left hanging upside down completely unable to explain how I’d gotten there. No other cars, no speeding, the only thing I could tell the very nice officers was that the road curved and I didn’t. That was kind of interesting.

    But my favorite, only partly car related incident–Matt and I honeymooned in Hawaii, which was and is still the biggest trip I’ve ever taken. Our very first day in Kauai, our very second newly-wedded morning, we got dressed (I was wearing my favorite and only pair of jean shorts and a cute little babydoll tank top and let me just TELL you, I thought I was somethin’, even if I was blindingly white), jumped into our little convertible, and headed out to an amazing breakfast at a cute outdoor cafe. I was in paradise, and I was in love, and it was all wonderful. After we ate I ordered an iced coffee to go and we returned to the parking lot and our little car, ready to face the day. And just as I stepped from the curb in between cars, I hit the slickest patch of mud EVER COLLECTED in a parking lot. And I went *whooooosh*, landed flat on my butt in the mud, and in the process, threw my iced coffee all over myself, the car next to us, and both the interior and exterior of our adorable white convertible. In front of an entire outdoor cafe full of people. On my honeymoon.
    I had to sit on my side all the way back to the condo for a change of clothes, so as not to *completely* soil the seat upholstery on our very first day. *sigh* Such humility I have never known.

  • KatieKate

    Oh, bless you people. Bless you.

  • the bantam menace

    while I’ve hit many things with vehicular contraptions (and also rolled/totalled two pickup trucks within 15 days of each other)…

    I think my favorite and stupidest story is when I was 16. my parents let me park in our one-stall garage. I was all ready for an evening trip to the thriving metropolis of traverse city for some shopping and cruising. as I backed out of the garage, I looked over my left shoulder, and the clearance looked good. (I was backing out to my left) I whipped the wheel to begin my turn…

    and TOOK OUT the other side of the garage.

    crap. as mom and I stood looking at the destruction, I actually had the nerve to ask (since my car was only dented in one spot), “can I still go to traverse city?”

    oh. and I once ran straight into a square pole at ups, while walking with my normal speedy sense of urgency, bouncing off the EDGE that cut my face and having to get several stitches. I still have a scar over my left eyebrow where the hair won’t grow back. 😛

  • Jessica, Myron and Rylie

    I remember Sunday running in to the telephone pole, in the morning. a pole that for some reason is in the middle of the parking lot. This was just before or after she flooded the engine four wheeling? I cant recall. Before I moved to Boone I had two accidents [back to back] in which I “hurt” my car very badly. Both due to ice. Both due to other crazy drivers, I just managed to hit the tree and the rock rather then the idiot behind the wheel.anyways, for years after that my roommates would go through similar situations and have an “accident” get their car back and a week later have another.

    Talk about wanting to hide!

  • Jessica, Myron and Rylie

    plus, when I called the insurance company the second time to tell then I had had an accident, the lady on the phone paused and said, but you “just” had an accident. She was so confused and they later dropped my collision.

    again, talk about wanting to hide

  • diane

    I was hit by a Frito Lay truck in High School. Chips were all over the road.
    I drove too close to the doors while parking the truck…scraped up the side something terrible.
    I’ve gone the wrong way down ONE WAY STREETS on more than one occasion.
    I’ve walked into a sign, mounted on the sides of a building and suffered from a concussion.
    I stalled the truck when I was 16 and didn’t know one can’t restart a vehicle while said vehicle is in DRIVE.
    I’ve driven through a river.
    I was driving someone else’s van, hit a patch of ice and HIT MY OWN CAR parked on the side of the road.

    Do you want me to continue? There are many more, Kate, Many More.

    Love the “race against nakedness.” I guess I should also stop undressing on my way home from work? That could cause Another Accident. eh?

  • the bantam menace

    that reminds me… I used to change in my car WHILE driving home from my job at jcpenney… I really hated pantyhose…

  • Jimmy

    Ok the guy side will step in now. Two months after I got my lic. I was going too fast, hit the brakes, slid through a curve and hit a tree head on. We called the sheriff (a friend of the family)his first question was “did I hurt the tree” I don’t think I ever saw my mother that mad. We never talked to him again..

    One Mother’s day Heather (she was about 6) decided to practice PLFs (ask your dad if you don’t know) like her father and jumped off a chair, with her hands behind her back, and landed on her face. An afternoon in the hospital and the loss of baby front teeth she probably looked lots worse then Rylie. So don’t feel like the lone ranger here…

    We now have a pontoon up North so more reason to drive that direction.


  • EllieRichellie

    Strawberry milkshakes would indeed make all of this better. . .your comments always make me smile. Sounds like it was a humdinger of a day, but at least we’re not blind and indicted. That would really put a damper on our square dancing plans.

  • Miss Laura

    I’ve been known to turn left on red lights…and for what it’s worth, this morning I somehow managed to get water ALL OVER the bathroom floor (ALL OVER, and soaked the brand-new hallway carpet – don’t tell Josh’s dad), and have been late to every single appointment thus far today.

    Also, I got a call from a collections agent this week about a small student loan that I didn’t even know I had. Talk about feeling stupid.

    Also, I have vertigo and have had several (perceived) close calls with mailboxes. I don’t think I was actually going to hit any of them, but I sure thought I was.

  • Grace

    Hubby and I had just moved to CA for seminary, and we were returning the U-Haul. I was parked by the building while he went in to drop off the keys, and for some reason I decided that I would move our BRAND NEW car a few inches closer to the door… maybe so he didn’t have to walk as far?

    You think maybe I was trying to do something nice? I honestly don’t remember why I did it, but I did it.

    And I was closer to the building than I thought and I ended up scratching the passenger side door all to heck! We still have that car (almost 8 years later!) and we still have those scratches. Talk about dumb!!!

  • Miss Christine

    Here is the story of my one and only (so far) driving incident. I would like to note that this is the first time I’ve ‘gone public’ with this (minus a select few people who know) because it is THAT embarrassing. Yes, really.

    So I had just recently gotten my driver’s license, and I was about to turn out of the driveway of my hair salon after a nice haircut. I have to turn left on 4-lane Alpine, up by where that ‘Fire Mountain’ restaurant is, if you know what I’m talking about. In any case, my traditional strategy is that I would wait for oncoming traffic to break and then I would turn into the turn lane and travel down the middle lane to the light, which was then a left-turn lane at the light (’cause I needed to turn left onto that road anyway, and it was a fairly short distance).

    So I head out and turn into the center lane. Well, I start to panic because 1. I am Chris and I panic at almost everything, especially when I am 16-year-old-haven’t been-driving-that-long-Chris. and 2. because there is another car coming toward me in the center lane. Not fast, just slowly, ’cause they want to turn left (my right) into the restaurant or whatever it is. I’m like “oh no, I’m kind of in their way of their driveway, but I want to get past them so I can go down the center lane to get to the light not far ahead”. So by this time I’m pretty much not thinking anything besides “I have to get around” – and in the process of this brain lapse, I pull into ON-coming traffic (after having looked behind me and seen no one coming – well duh, ’cause it was, uh, coming from the other direction)…. and of course my life flashes before my eyes as cars come careening toward me and I realize what I’ve done.

    But, oh, it gets better…. the first car coming at me is none other than a STATE police cruiser. I know, I pretty much have the best luck. Well, the rest is a lot of crying and being incredibly incredibly upset (I can’t remember ever being this upset) — and the cop was this huge mean black guy and I’m my little self about to burst into tears (I somehow hold it in ’til I pull away). I get a citatation for, get this… reckless driving and have to go to a small court. Well, I get there, and our lawyer talks to the police guy and apparently they dumb it down and I get points for something like ‘improper lane usage/passing’. Which was a huge relief.

    Therefore, you should not, in fact, feel dumb for rear-ending someone. I am with you all the way on the embarrassment front! 🙂

  • thekooiet

    We all drive. This is scary. It’s the end of the world.

  • Thya

    Today, while eating sushi with my girlfriend Shayla and the children I nanny for (Jillian 3, Luke 1), I took all the wasabi off of every plate and put it in a very safe place far far away from Luke…then I left the wasabi on Luke’s plate…he ate wasabi for the first time today. So I emotionally damaged a child for life, and I think his face may be permanently red, and I think his eyes are still watering. It turns out water doesn’t really stop the screaming (my trick), but a whole bunch of white rice does (go Shayla!).

  • Julie

    Ooo, I haven’t read your blog in a while and this post was a great one to come back in on. It made me laugh a lot.
    I, personally, have spacial reasoning issues when it comes to driving and usually scrape the side of my minivan on our garage opening about once a month. Seth stopped fixing it and said he would do one final repair when we moved out.
    AND, Annabelle and I are battling over nakedness these days too. Not so much in the car, but I frequently find her running naked at home to entertain her brothers. (gotta stop that asap!)

    Hey, at least your bad day made for a great post!

  • Mandi

    Several years ago Jeff bought a brand-new pick-up. A couple of months after he got it, I needed to borrow it for somethng. I was supposed to use it in the morning and then return it when I met up with he and a bunch of guys from our church for lunch. I, who had never driven anything but a small compact car, found parking the gigantic pick-up daunting. However, I had no problems…until I got to the restaurant. As I attempted to pull into the only available parking spot (with Jeff watching from a few feet away), an ear-splitting scraping sound errupted from somewhere. That’s when I realized that I had run the BRAND NEW truck into the huge pipe bumper on the truck I was attempting to park next to. So, I tried to back up, making matters so much worse. When I finally got parked and got out, I was hysterical. There was a nice 6 in. long gash in Jeff’s beautiful blue pick-up. Jeff was actually not too upset with me, but I was completely put out with myself and could not get myself under control. I cried all through lunch and made the group of guys I was with VERY uncomfortable. The whole experience was just horrible. Hope it makes you feel not-so-bad about your little mishap!

  • Dan, Annie, Will and Mocha

    Wow, not sure if you’ll get this one because there are 22 above me, what up girl? they must’ve heard you slept with them or something.
    Dan and I are going through the exact same situation with our church right now, really hard. It’s probably the most I’ve felt misplaced in a while. And…everywhere we go I miss Trinity more and more. The location is a big deal, for building fellowship and hello…gas/
    Your day sounds tough, your perpective on it though is priceless. How can you have such clear perspective on things, it’s inspiring for sure. Wish I had you around me to rub off on me. Maybe I should sleep with your blog entries under my pillow.
    It was a chilly day today so I put Will’s old man vest on him, he loves it, actually wouldn’t take it off to nap, so he’s up there in a t shirt, vest and diaper, This will be my blog about the vest, I’de been waiting for the perfect time for it.
    So glad you get to have the weekend ahead after this hard hard day.
    And…realy thank you for sharing.

  • Anonymous

    You know your mom is the champ at this stuff…Daddy loves to tell new friends about the time I got my fanny pack hooked on the T bar on the Zugspitz and nearly went all the way around the whirly gig thing only to fall about 20 feet into the snowbank….and who could forget the time I backed our new Jeep out of the garage with the ski rack on top yet failed to open the garage door ALL the way up…..lesson to all new wives…husbands tend to show more self control when you tell them things infront of people…like a whole company of soldiers….than in private….at least that is what worked with Kate’s pap….it saved my life!

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