and, also…

P is for Preschool.

I have essays written about this in my head… essays and letters and speeches and books… about this whole journey, really.  But, all I have coherently today is this:  Rylie will start preschool in September.   

At age 3, things change with the State and Rylie would move out of her current program.  She is still 50% of her age delayed… so moving and talking like a 1 year-old.  She obviously still needs outside help.  In September, she will move up into the preschool program in our local school district where she will continue to receive speech, physical, and occupational therapy.  The classes are especially for kiddos with special needs and is geared toward getting them ready for kindergarten. 

This child… this child who can stop traffic with her wink and loses her breath when she laughs… this child is ‘atypical.’  Her muscles (including her voice) are not developing like one would expect a normal child’s to… they don’t even call her delayed anymore.  Just different.  Unpredictable.  Funny. Cute.  Well-dressed.  But, Atypical. 

It’s just… hard.  It’s hard.  It’s hard for me to send my child away because I cannot give her the help she needs.  I worry about her teachers (who are amazing and fabulous) and if they’ll love her enough.  I worry that she’ll look for me at school and I won’t be there.  More so, I worry that she won’t look for me at all.

star quality

I thought I’d have more time.

I thought our road would be more obvious.

I thought my child would talk… like everyone else’s child.

I thought I was stronger than I have proven to be this past week.

But, I am human.  And, I know that Rylie needs to learn to communicate with others besides me.  I know that she loves class and Sunday school.  I know that the program is exceptional for Michigan.  I know that this is what she needs. 

And I know that she is going to have THE COOLEST backpack ever… ’cause her mamma’s gonna make her one.

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About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

16 responses to “and, also…

  • Susannah

    As unready as you feel, she looks sooooo ready to be one of the cool kids. Now you tell those pregnancy hormones of yours to give you a break in the emotions department. Hope you all enjoy these last days of summer!

  • Kristen Moore

    Where is she going? Is it nearby? Do you get to pack her a lunch? If she needs a lunch, you know she’ll need a vintage thermos mug/soup container! And a hand stitched napkin!
    Awww. I am trying to sound optimistic. But I remember when I dropped Jane off for her first time while I went back to work. It wasn’t even school AND I was dropping her off at Jo’s house (perfectly clean, perfectly happy/safe/friendly environment with her best friend) and I was a crying fool.
    And then I cried when preschool started for Jane and then. . . . . . geeeeeeeeeeeez. I cried when preschool ended because Jane loved it so much and her teachers loved her so much.
    Blah blah blah. . .no doubt, when you leave your child someplace, you leave a large chunk of your heart there too.
    Hang in there.

  • Jim

    I know it will be hard, but my feeloing is that she is way stronger then the rest of us and will be perfectly fine. And with a way cool backpack she’ll rock.

  • Jessica "Haynie" Carr

    oh sweetness. I know its hard. I died inside when I first took Rylie Jayne to the sitter. I cried even after she has been there for months and months. It was good for her. Great actually. But she wasnt with me. I missed her.

    Another positive out of all this. When “birth is arising and your so tired you cant stand it, preschool is a great time for you to nap!!!

  • LoLo

    Like the others, please know that it is okay to cry…A LOT… well, at least I hope it is, because I did…A LOT. BUT, there is a silver lining…FREEDOM! After awhile you will soon learn that preschool is as good for her as it is for you. It helps you find yourself again, and then you go pick her up refreshed and ready for some really sweet mommy time.

  • Miss Laura

    My heart aches for you, dear friend…Rylie IS a special girl, in far more ways than her diagnosis can ever capture. Thanks for being such a good mom to her…there’s nobody out there who could ever be Rylie’s mom any better than you.

    You know what you need? A cherry limeade.

  • Amy L

    The mental struggles with parenting…you are not alone. This “letting go” thing while trying to raise them is a difficult hurdle but I believe you will learn from this and so will your child! Plus there is the simple joy of being child free for a few moments of the day while she is being taught, and having fun.

  • Becky

    Sometimes it is just necessary to remind yourself of what you already know. i’d be worried if you didn’t worry! You are doing a great job and Rylie will always know what a fantastic mom she has! A+

  • elly

    the second they come out we start giving them back. on loan. i’m sorry you are sad. peachy went to first grade last year and i thought i would die. wish we could have coffee that first day. xo

  • Lisa

    Pre-school is good. Pre-school is relief. Pre-school is breathing time. Pre-school is regrouping time. Pre-school is heaven sent. For both of you. Ry will learn to fly a little bit on her own…which all our little birds must do. And you? You will take the time to refill the well; the well into which you dip multiple times every day to find the strength, compassion, humor, patience, discipline, leadership and love you need to be an incredible mom to an incredible little girl!!!

  • jtp

    oh I already feel badly for the other kids in her class because she’s totally going to be her teacher’s favorite….they say they don’t have favorites, but they do and Rylie will obviously be it!!!!!! I can’t wait for the backpack!!!!

  • April Nelson

    I love your thoughts on this post. I spent several years working with kids in Early Intervention…and those kids will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. Rylies teachers will LOVE her, you can’t help not to. I’m sending my oldest off to Kindergarden in about 2 weeks (he never went to preschool so this thing is new for us, too) I have wondered if his teacher will think he is as cool a kid as I think he is… I’ve thought about giving them a brief speech, just so we are all on the same page.
    Congrats on your baby, hope the pregnancy is a easy one.

  • Amy

    Oh its a hard transition….leaving them to do things without your loving watchful eye over them…..
    but then they are so happy to see you when you return, and they have lots of neat things to show you and share…..
    its really wonderful in the end 🙂

    Your child is so adorable and spunky that she will do just fine, great actually!

    And she is quite well dressed and will have what i can only imagine is a fabulous backpack….

  • Julie

    what a sweet post…one of my favorites, but everyone’s already left such good comments that I will just say, can’t wait to see the awesome backpack.

  • Chad

    Are contrary opinions allowed? I realize I’m the only guy commenting on here and this is probably unpopular, but hey, a little diversity can be a good thing, right?

    Anyway, for what it’s worth, you may want to pick up the book by Raymond and Dorothy Moore called, “Better Late Than Early”. I think it offers some good points as far as when children are really physically able to tolerate formal learning. I realize we’re just talking about preschool here, and it sounds like your daughter will really benefit from the program you’re describing, but it’s worthwhile reading nonetheless.

    Still friends? Take care. Love reading the blog.

  • Zoe Speer

    Katie,
    I know that must be SO hard.
    I know too that Rylie is a cutie patootie and will win her teachers and classmates hearts within moments of meeting them.
    We will pray for both of you.

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