Is it not my turn?

7.12 024On Facebook Scrabble, I mean?  No?  Hmmm.  Well, maybe Jess has her vacation pictures up.  No?  Let’s look at last year’s vacation photos.  Awesome.  How is it 10am?  Why am I not at the grocery store?  Is Jami home right now?  Maybe she wants to meet me for lunch since I’m already late.

This is my life.  Warning: this is not a funny or even a heart-warming post.  It’s just an honest one 🙂

We’ve already discussed my ability to make large amounts of progress in small amounts of time [EPiSAT syndrome].  I pack for vacation the night before.  I wait until the very last second before actually getting out of bed. I wait until there are simply NO. CLOTHES. for anyone before finally lugging everything downstairs and loading the machine.

I’d like to propose that I have another syndrome which, added to the EPiSAT, complicates things.  It is Opposite Reaction syndrome.  If the room is crowded with stars, I am on the wall observing.  If no one is taking charge, I am standing on a chair giving directions.  I tend to swing… I balance.  I even things out.  Sometimes out of spite, sometimes out of necessity.

7.12 026This is all going somewhere, I promise.  Welcome to my brain.

The biggest issue here is that I married a machine.  A man whose body is capable of award-winning speeds, whose mind can learn anything.  We need new electrical in a 100 year-old house?  Well, lemme take a look at that.  It’s amazing.  And, sometimes, annoying.  The thing is, I’m that way, too.  Show me almost anything and I can make it work.  Not physically, of course.  No.  Emotionally.  Socially.  Craft-ily.  I take scraps of whatever and make it work.  That’s what I do.  I know LOTS of things.  Mostly random things.  I am the epitome of the phrase ‘jack of all trades, master of none.’ 

So, I’m married to a machine- a good-looking machine who’s amazing at everything and never sits still.  AND, I have super-hero friends who save the world on a daily basis.  What does this do to me?  It makes me move in slow motion.  It makes me feel like ‘If I’m not gonna win, then I’m not even gonna try.’  And that, my friends, is the truth.  I gave up trying.

7.12 025Granted, I wasn’t a stellar time-manager before we married or when I was working either.  I get things done, and done well, but I’m never in a hurry.  I never met a 11:30pm re-run of Will & Grace I didn’t like.  It’s gotten worse in the past couple years because, quite frankly, I’ve gotten lazy. I have let my ‘balancing act’ become an excuse for laziness.  It lets me have an unhealthy relationship with my computer.  It lets me not fold clothes for weeks.  It lets me make a mad dash around the house at 5pm to clean up and then explain, ‘Oh, sorry dinner’s not started quite yet.  It’s been a crazy day.’

No.  No more, I say. 

I will not apologize for being unable to keep up with other moms or even my own husband.  They have issues I do not know about- that they hide very well.  I will not feel the need to explain to the cashier, who can tell I’m a stay-at-home mom, why I’m buying a rotisserie chicken instead of just cooking my own.  She doesn’t even care.  The point is, I cook dinner every night.  I sew cute things.  I am a friend.  These are things I can do and can do well. 

7.12 027I need to let go of some of my short-comings and start honing in on the strengths.  I’m a big girl now.  I don’t have to be good at everything.  And, not being good at everything does not give me permission to be lazy.  I need to open the communication lines with other folks.  I need to hear that y’all are in the same boat. I need to hear that your child screams and rolls around on the floor like a maniac at 4pm BECAUSE ALL CHILDREN ARE CRAZY.  I need to remember that I am not alone in this. I honestly forget that.  I honestly assume the cashier is judging me.  I assume you have dinner planned every night and that you and your spouse never fight.  I assume you pack a week before a trip and never forget sunscreen. 

So, when I ask you about laundry and such… I’m trying to get a grip on reality.  Seriously.  I’m trying to sort fact from fiction.  I get stuck on my island out here and I forget that other people are going through the same things.  Thank you for your comments and your honesty.  I always feel so much better after I ‘talk’ to you.

If you made it all the way down here, you’re amazing.  I have an apple pie waiting for you.  I really do.  But, you better hurry.  I am pregnant and make no apologies for missing food.


About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

14 responses to “Is it not my turn?

  • Amy L

    Why are we so hard on ourselves? My husband often has to talk me down when I start getting all worked up about what I didn’t do… It’s nice reading your mental dissection ’cause it reminds me to do the same on occasion.

  • Heather

    wow, good reminder. I also have a tendency to “compare” myself to other moms who “do it all”, and I am very hard on myself for it. Tis nice to know there are other moms out there that feel the same way! 🙂

  • priscyesser

    I always read you and find YOU Katie Mulder to be an amazing woman. If you consider yourself to be unproductive, I my dear friend must be a professional sloth impersonator. Piddling around writing, not working as I should be doing, slacking on booking gigs for a tour, and then lying in bed unable to sleep thinking about everything I NEED to do…and repeating myself all over again the next day. Granted my house stays clean…but that’s cause there is no one home!

  • kelly buist

    Hi Kate,

    I shouldn’t even be writing right now because I have to be to work in Exactly 20 min. and I’m still in my robe…. but you know I can turn out the speed when I have to so… let me say two things:

    1st: Martha Stewart is a genius AND the devil. In the same way that fashion magazines make women feel unfashionable and fat. Martha makes us feel like sloppy failures of housewife-dom. Do I love her?..yes.. but I try to remind myself that ‘it’s airbrushed’.

    2nd: In the years of my ‘adulthood’ I have realized a few things about peoples personalities. For every ‘thing’ about someone, that you love, or makes you laugh, or makes you cock your head like a dog and say “How DOES that persons brain work… fascinating!” There is a flip side. The person who is great under pressure is not great with endless amounts of time… AND vise versa. The person who is perfectly thoughtful and courteous and Never forgets a birthday, well?.. maybe there not that funny. And the girl who can, not only handle, but LOVE living with horses and chickens and bailing hay and whatever else you do on a farm,…. well maybe she doesn’t have a house like Martha. And that’s OKAY. Martha doesn’t want your life and you don’t want hers. Just try to find some balance, not perfection.
    You’re great Kate.

  • Jessica "Haynie" Carr

    everyday between 4 and 6 Rylie Jayne loses it. It is so tough so hard and I cant get what I did wrong. I have had to learn its just her time.

    Its hard not to compare ourselves with others or even what we think others are doing or going through. Its a big lesson I have been learning lately too.

  • heather

    hey, lady! cut yourself some slack! after all, you should be taking it very easy right now! You’re in the first trimester. just listen to yourself and only feel compelled to do what you can in a day. there is no ‘quota’ of things to accomplish in a day. and don’t compare yourself to others, because each one of us has a different energy level. AND…you cook everyday!! enough said!

  • Amy

    at least your child loses it during the daytime. My gal lost it from MIDNIGHT UNTIL ALMOST FIVE AM. ?$$#%@& ??

    It funny, this blog land makes everyone look perfect…i am always jealous of all your crafts and cooking from scratch and fawesome logos and farming. Grass is always greener i suppose! 🙂 I am trying to learn the fine art of “throwing things off the cliff” when I can’t (or won’t) change something.

  • Jtp

    I am right there with you on thinking the cashier judges me…especially when I was clearly buying baby food (Puffs, yo baby, gerber rice, etc)…and cheetos…because william like them- whatever- don’t judge me cashier. I give them to him because when he says :chee- toooes” standing under the cabinet my heart melts. So I will buy my cheetos and not feel judged…we should all try to not worry about stuff like that, but it’s so hard. I think you’re in my top ten coolest people ever and I’ve never even “met” you 🙂

  • Tammy

    Kate — I look forward to every Monday and Thursday to see what interesting subject will spring forth from TexasNorth. You are an amazing lady! And I am tickled pink to find out that we share some personality traits. I, too wait until I MUST do laundry. It is usually because someone needs jeans or a certain t-shirt, then I give in and just do it. Otherwise, it waits until the weekend. I also wait until the last possible hour on Sunday night to fold or hang and put the clean clothes away.

    I try to have a plan for meals for the week, however, things almost NEVER go according to plan. I usually wimp out and don’t cook several times during the week. Then it’s leftovers or some really healthy frozen dinner (yum).

    I am also a procrastinator in other parts of my life. I have come to the conclusion that this is just me, and I am not likely to change at this stage.

    One other comment regarding Martha Stewart . . . TRUST me when I say that she is not perfect either. There is NO WAY that she does all the things she says she does with out a HUGE staff of people just waiting to do her bidding. I mean really . . . do we really think she is out in her garden planting asparagus? I really doubt it.

    So cheer up! You are a perfect you!!!

  • Margie

    All of us do this to ourselves and it’s worse some times of the month than others. I get frustrated because in every room of my house something needs to be done. And then, I think, “There is so much to do and I can’t do it all!!!” My house needs serious vacuuming. I can’t remember the last time I mopped the kitchen floor. Dusting, picking up, planning the next meal, paying bills, writing overdue letters, calling friends first instead of waiting for them to call me, ramping up potty-training to get it done – that’s what’s in mind this morning. And today I have to take my children to the doctor, return an overdue movie to the library, and go to the grocery store. As I type my children are currently and asking me to tell the other to behave. Always on call.

    I just noticed Tammy’s comment above. FYI: Martha Stewart’s marriage was a flop. She, apparently, was a huge control freak and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

    Some battles aren’t worth winning. So appreciate your ability to foster good relationships and build a legacy your children will remember with joy, and let the other stuff go.

    Rotisserie chickens are delicious.

  • AmyD

    hey thanks for being honest, it helps me this morning….which has included, a crazy no shower ponytail morning bc i could NOT get up, one 20 month old gigantic melt down on the sidewalk in downtown fort worth because i didn’t have time to let him push the lock button on the car before we got out, and one stupid fight with my husband over his driving. i was feeling very very sad about it all until i read this and realized that it’s all just LIFE, and that that someone else probably understands, actually alot of people do. now excuse me, I have some ‘pologizing to do.

  • Zoe Speer

    Hello…a husband who can’t sit still, I have one of those too. It can make you feel like a lazy gal at times. 🙂 Like you said balancing act the kids don’t need 2 parents on speed :0
    I find myself doing all the things you said. Thinking and knowing that others are doing it better and faster than me. I try to just tell myself that when the kids are grown, I am pretty sure they wont say, “Mom my favorite childhood memory is how clean our house always was, how neatly the laundry was folded and put away and how Martha Stewart-ish our house was.’
    And the rolling on the ground, please come over here. Sometimes I answer the phone and the person on the other end will say, “what is going on over their, is someone hurt.” I then have to assure them, nope thats what 4/5 o clock sounds like at our house.
    I think your great! Seriously envious of the craftily side of your brain and farm side.

  • Zoe Speer

    whoops I meant there instead of their

  • sunday

    it is called self check out! you can buy anything you want without an ounce of judgement. If you were alone in all your thinking i am pretty sure we would all be liars! laundry only gets folded when i need the laundry basket for all the dirty clothes that sit on the floor of my closet. i have a love affair with my computer and more importantly facebook! everything you say i just sit here and nod my head. you are awesome as i always say!

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