On Facebook Scrabble, I mean? No? Hmmm. Well, maybe Jess has her vacation pictures up. No? Let’s look at last year’s vacation photos. Awesome. How is it 10am? Why am I not at the grocery store? Is Jami home right now? Maybe she wants to meet me for lunch since I’m already late.
This is my life. Warning: this is not a funny or even a heart-warming post. It’s just an honest one 🙂
We’ve already discussed my ability to make large amounts of progress in small amounts of time [EPiSAT syndrome]. I pack for vacation the night before. I wait until the very last second before actually getting out of bed. I wait until there are simply NO. CLOTHES. for anyone before finally lugging everything downstairs and loading the machine.
I’d like to propose that I have another syndrome which, added to the EPiSAT, complicates things. It is Opposite Reaction syndrome. If the room is crowded with stars, I am on the wall observing. If no one is taking charge, I am standing on a chair giving directions. I tend to swing… I balance. I even things out. Sometimes out of spite, sometimes out of necessity.
This is all going somewhere, I promise. Welcome to my brain.
The biggest issue here is that I married a machine. A man whose body is capable of award-winning speeds, whose mind can learn anything. We need new electrical in a 100 year-old house? Well, lemme take a look at that. It’s amazing. And, sometimes, annoying. The thing is, I’m that way, too. Show me almost anything and I can make it work. Not physically, of course. No. Emotionally. Socially. Craft-ily. I take scraps of whatever and make it work. That’s what I do. I know LOTS of things. Mostly random things. I am the epitome of the phrase ‘jack of all trades, master of none.’
So, I’m married to a machine- a good-looking machine who’s amazing at everything and never sits still. AND, I have super-hero friends who save the world on a daily basis. What does this do to me? It makes me move in slow motion. It makes me feel like ‘If I’m not gonna win, then I’m not even gonna try.’ And that, my friends, is the truth. I gave up trying.
Granted, I wasn’t a stellar time-manager before we married or when I was working either. I get things done, and done well, but I’m never in a hurry. I never met a 11:30pm re-run of Will & Grace I didn’t like. It’s gotten worse in the past couple years because, quite frankly, I’ve gotten lazy. I have let my ‘balancing act’ become an excuse for laziness. It lets me have an unhealthy relationship with my computer. It lets me not fold clothes for weeks. It lets me make a mad dash around the house at 5pm to clean up and then explain, ‘Oh, sorry dinner’s not started quite yet. It’s been a crazy day.’
No. No more, I say.
I will not apologize for being unable to keep up with other moms or even my own husband. They have issues I do not know about- that they hide very well. I will not feel the need to explain to the cashier, who can tell I’m a stay-at-home mom, why I’m buying a rotisserie chicken instead of just cooking my own. She doesn’t even care. The point is, I cook dinner every night. I sew cute things. I am a friend. These are things I can do and can do well.
I need to let go of some of my short-comings and start honing in on the strengths. I’m a big girl now. I don’t have to be good at everything. And, not being good at everything does not give me permission to be lazy. I need to open the communication lines with other folks. I need to hear that y’all are in the same boat. I need to hear that your child screams and rolls around on the floor like a maniac at 4pm BECAUSE ALL CHILDREN ARE CRAZY. I need to remember that I am not alone in this. I honestly forget that. I honestly assume the cashier is judging me. I assume you have dinner planned every night and that you and your spouse never fight. I assume you pack a week before a trip and never forget sunscreen.
So, when I ask you about laundry and such… I’m trying to get a grip on reality. Seriously. I’m trying to sort fact from fiction. I get stuck on my island out here and I forget that other people are going through the same things. Thank you for your comments and your honesty. I always feel so much better after I ‘talk’ to you.
If you made it all the way down here, you’re amazing. I have an apple pie waiting for you. I really do. But, you better hurry. I am pregnant and make no apologies for missing food.