holy cow

[Remember that I need your order by tomorrow: Friday.  Not necessarily your payment, but at least your order.  Gracias!]

The winner of the Spring 2010 motto is, “Long Horns, Long Days, Long Lives.”   

Nice job, Callie! It was close with the Apple Pie motto… but yours won by 5 votes.  I think I’ll use the Apple Pie motto a bit in some other surprises around here. 

To be honest, Folks, I wasn’t sure about this motto.  I wasn’t.  That is, until yesterday evening about 5:42pm.  Then I decided it was absolutely perfect.  There’s a story here.  Let’s see if this gives you any clues: what’s wrong with this picture?

You’re thinking, “A baby got out!  Belinda’s baby got out!”  And, that’s true.  Good farmers, all of you.  This was taken through my screen window before I bolted outside and left a 3 year-old in charge of an infant.  This guy has done this to me twice, actually. I have dubbed him Rascal.  But, babies are easy.  They just want to be back with their mammas… they don’t actually go anywhere.

Entire herds, however, are a completely different story. 

Yesterday at 5:30pm, Rylie was staring out the window yelling, “Mooooooo.”   This happens daily, as the pasture surrounds our house.  You can see animals from every window.  Five minutes later, she was still channeling the cows and I finally looked up… to see a very large Miss Bonnie staring in the window at me.  And, all her friends with her. Even the babies. On the wrong side of the fence.

Now, I’ve put the 2 steers back in before.  I’ve even put the babies back in on 3 separate occasions.  Fine.  But 15 cows?  No.  No I have not.

I called Curt to tell him to come home.  I threw Gus in the swing, and I left Rylie in charge (again).  I opened all the gates.  I grabbed a feed bucket and started banging.  We give them corn for this very reason- cows will always come home for corn. 

They didn’t care.

In fact, they stared at the open gates, laughed at me, and took off at a dead run down Montcalm Avenue.  All 15 of them.  All of them AND Rylie’s college education.  All of them.

Walter Tango, people.  Walter. Tango. *#^*(^@$)@@!

I really thought they were gone.  I really thought they were back on 200 acres of corn, all spread out, and never coming home.  I went back to the 50-gallon feed drums and started banging again, just so someone would be able to find me in a heap of snot and tears later wearing my new linen pants.

To my surprise, the ground started shaking.  I looked down the road an eighth mile and there- around the bend and three bovines wide- there came my herd.  Hauling back.  HAULING.  Like something straight out of a Lonsome Dove stampede.

By then my neighbors had sauntered up- and I do mean sauntered… there was no 2nd gear in effect– and helped me gently shoo them into one field.  I slammed the gates shut, grabbed a traumatized Rylie off the porch, and opened a coke. Gus never batted an eye. 

Curt rolled in about 10 minutes later.  I demanded a raise.

Long Horns, Long Days, Long Life.


Our shirts should be ready in about 2 weeks.

Love you guys,


About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

24 responses to “holy cow

  • claire

    “I left Rylie in charge (again).” Katie, you crack me up!!

    Great story.

  • Colene

    I wish you had a Reality TV crew out at the ranch. This stuff is gold. GOLD!

  • mvstephenson

    I think you deserve a raise after all that!

  • JTP

    what a great story- funny to me because I was not chasing cattle last night…. and in new linen pants? at least you looked cute when your neighbors came to help!!!! This stuff never happens in the suburbs…lucky. Your life is cool.

  • Jessica

    I am so glad you got some new linen pants! I bet you looked super cute insnot and tears banging on the feed thingy!

    Thank you for your stories, they start my mornings off just right!

  • mr chris

    hmmmmm, maybe between your love for God and the insanity that takes place all too often out there you should consider a secondary slogan of HOLY COW! just like your title. but in all seriousness, i LOVE the t-shirt slogan. well said & it will be well worn!

  • Amy L

    I love these stories.

  • Jim B

    Would love to a picture of the “head” Hauling back. Priceless. Never a dull moment.

  • Kristen Moore

    I canNOT believe they came home! I was hooked on your story and wondering what I would do in that situation.
    Holy Mother of Pearl.
    What an adventure!

  • anna

    I want a large t-shirt. Just putting that out there in case I forget later, which I probably will.

  • Miss Laura

    I think you’re about due for some diamond earrings, girl.

  • Susannah

    oh my. amazing that they came back. what were they thinking leaving good spring pasture? we had a couple of escape artists last summer, and at least twice, i had to take off down the road with the baby on my back. leaving her at home would have been smarter, but i don’t think rationally under pressure.

    • texasnorth

      You take your children with you because you are a good mom. I on the other hand leave my children inside where 800 things can go wrong.

      Now that I think about it, I should have put both of them in their carseats and rolled the windows down. I’ll have to remember that for next time.

      Not that there will be a next time.

      Aw, who am I kidding.

    • texasnorth

      AND, I’ll tell you what they were thinking… they were thinking the unmowed pasture down the road looked a lot tastier. Punks.

  • Tricia

    Talbots should feature you on the cover of their next catalog! Linen pants, diamond earrings and a stampeding herd.

  • M.C. Phillips

    You make me want to be a farmer….I’m totally serious!

  • shanda

    There are days when I call my boss and ask for double pay for the day. He always agrees: of course since I make $0.00 a day, doubling it adds up. I think you deserve quadruple time. Thanks for keeping me laughing, growing in admiration for you, and thankful that I don’t have my own cows in my backyard. I love walking behind you through your blog and enjoying all the adventures.

  • Andi

    OK, so I was laughing so hard that Tommy actually had to stop the recording of America: The Story of Us, to ask if I was ok and what in the word I was laughing so hard at that the non-smoker’s smoker laugh had come out, Walter Tango cows, walter tango.

  • Julie

    I am stealing the idea of telling my husband I need a raise. Nice one. I am so impressed that you did all of that herding. Nice job. Sorry I have commented lately. I always read but lots of times I am just LAZY and don’t have anything to say.

    LOVE the motto and logo.

  • Callie Baldwin

    Yay!!!! I’m so excited. I have always lived in suburbia but spent time at my dad’s horse farm when I was in college and just out. Life with livestock and animals is a lot of work. Long days. I mean looonnnggg! But horse people always seemed happy. There is something about all of that work that is satisfying. Happy people live longer. Long life. So- that’s what came to mind.

    I would have loved to see the stampede and the linen pants. That sounds like a sitcom if I’ve ever heard it! It’s one of those – you can’t make this stuff up moments.

  • Mandi

    What a great, great story. And really funny, now that it’s over, right?! You are amazing!! And hilarious!

  • Margie

    Oh. My. Gosh.

    I’m speechless.

    Bravo for getting them home. Somehow.

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