90 days

Gus Man,

Today, you are 3 months old.  Today is the finish line everyone told me to run for.  Today, the colic will end, the gas shall cease, and you will sleep 12 hours at night or I have every right to give you back.

I won’t give you back.  I may see what you’re worth on Etsy.com, though.

I feel our relationship is best explained by this first photograph.  Desperate.  Comical.  Hands-On.  Tight.  Slightly lopsided.  One sock on the floor. Oh, the truth in this picture.

Let’s see… we started your life in March with some major issues: me learning to nurse, your horribly bad stomach, and you feeding every hour on the hour.  Many tears flowed in the Mulder home.

A lot has changed in 90 days.  You eat every 2.5 to 4 hours (yes, an improvement though not ideal).  Your belly handles things m u c h better now and the gas is not so life-threatening 24 hours a day.  Unfortunately, it’s taken so long to get that under control (or within bounds) that you never learned to sleep.  You sleep for 4 to 5 hours at night, but daytime sleep is hard to come by in pieces longer than 30-minutes. You panic when you nod off, and then you yell.  Loudly.  Walking with a severe series of bouncing will always calm you down, but you find it nearly impossible to fall soundly asleep on your own. 

This is really our only issue now- the falling asleep.  Promise me one day you will love to sleep as much as the rest of the family.  Otherwise, you’re on breakfast duty.  I like dippy eggs.

Oh, wait.  There is one other thing: you h a t e the car.  While you and Ry have been opposites in every respect, this is the one thing you share.  I can’t remember when she decided to give it up and literally go along for the ride, but I hope your day is today.  Amen, and may it be so.

You are a stunningly beautiful child, and this has been your saving grace many a day.  You started smiling at 6 weeks, and, Child… what a grin you have!  Lordy.  It could end the World’s wars. 

I still don’t completely understand nursing, and I am sorry about that.  How do I know you’re getting enough?  Is 10 minutes enough?  Why is it different every day?  Do you suffer when I have a Hershey bar for breakfast?  You are thriving, so I think we’re ok.  I’m thrilled we’ve made it this far.   Nursing is hard and amazing… and also hard.

You are handling your leg brace very well… I don’t think you even realize it’s there. I am your favorite.  This may be due to the fact that I am the only one who can feed you, but it’s still fabulous for my self-esteem. You look good in orange, which is hard for a lot of people to pull off.  Well done.  I have learned to read, type, sew, write, answer the phone, cook, plant the garden, chase chickens, load the dishwasher, and sleep with only one hand.  Thank you for stretching me.  

Gideon James, you are 90 days old.  You are a very cute pain in the butt.  No family could possibly love you more.

Love,  Mom

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About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

19 responses to “90 days

  • Jim B

    I smile with you, give Gus a hug from all of us. And a pat on your back for being great.

    Curt hello, I know he is backing you up.

  • Amy

    Oh…..nursing is H.A.R.D. those first several months. It IS a full time job (but man how rewarding….you can feed/nurture another person strictly from yourself! It blows my mind…..)
    But soon, i promise, it will seem easy. It is certainly easier than in the beginning, right?
    He is absolutely adorable. Seriously.
    And i LOVE the pic. Completely and perfectly captures the early days with a baby.

  • Jessica

    you are doing SO great!!! It will all work out and He is so worth it. But you know that.

    If it helps a few nigts ago Wyatt stood at the end of the hall, in his diaper, with book at hand, at 6:00, and yelled “mom, come, mom come”. He was asking me to put him to bed. He too had a hard time learning to sleep but now……its so easy and glorious!!!

  • Kathy

    How do I say this without causing dispair? ……. in our house, colic did not move out until 4 months. The deep knee bend bouncing is good for your thighs. We did it for hours.
    And thanks for having the honesty to admit how HARD this can be, especially the nursing part. Love your honesty.
    You CAN do this. You ARE doing this. This too shall pass. You’s a good mamma.

    • texasnorth

      I hear you. And thank you for being honest… I know in the back of my mind that 4 months is really much more realistic, but the 90 day mark is such a trophy here. Phew. I think I can go another 30 days 🙂

  • Margie

    The sleep! Rather, the lack thereof…hard. Painful. Crazy-inducing. But his cuteness is legendary, which makes it all, of course, so worth it.

    You’ll never forget these days; they have a way of changing your shape.

  • Carley

    Such a great letter. One of your best. Congrats to you all making it 90 days! = )

  • Susannah

    That first picture is priceless. If that doesn’t capture motherhood, I don’t know what does. Way to go on making it to the 3 month mark with nursing. They say that the 3 month mark is significant; most women who stop early do so before 3 months. It is soooo much harder than anticipated, but so worthwhile. Thanks for being honest 🙂

  • shanna

    YAY to all of you for surviving the first 3!! He sure is a cute little monkey. It has always amazed me that nursing isn’t more “natural” considering it’s the most natural thing you can do. In another 90, you won’t even have to think about it–it’ll just be easy, breezy!

    Come back to Texas soon, k? We miss you!!

  • Miss Laura

    Love the letters. Can’t believe Gus-Gus is already three months old…what???

  • Mandi

    What a precious letter! So proud of all of you for making it to the three-month mark. Nursing is one of the hardest things ever–harder even than giving birth, if you ask me. And he’ll figure the sleeping thing out eventually. Hang in there! You’re doing great!

  • Amanda

    Katie- Gus sounds soooooo much like Claire. Claire didn’t like to sleep and needed to be bounced 24/7 and hated the car. Oh, and she’s Loud. Things definitely got better for us after 3 months. Now she is 6 months, and most of those early things have ceased. Like, she sleeps. She doesn’t mind the car. She’s still loud. But I don’t mind that so much.

    Gus is so good-lookin! You’re doing a great job!

  • Tricia

    Sydney didn’t have colic and slept through the night pretty early on… but she still managed to drive us crazy in those early months, especially with the shrieking in the car. Many were the times we drove past the fire station near our house and considered taking advantage of the safe haven law. 😉 But you’re right, cuteness saves their butts.

  • l.b.o.

    something is definitely wrong with me–i’m sitting in my living room crying because i haven’t met your son yet. tears dripping off my legs kind of crying. so i second shanna–come to texas soon. and, in a related story, i heard sonic is having a two-for-one shake deal.

  • Julie

    Good gracious, what a hard little guy! You are doing a great job and just think of all the character and perseverance being worked into your soul right now. (just trying to seeing the bright side) Hang in there. Keep on keepin’ on! It only gets easier from here out.

  • annie

    o gus, he is getting so big. you are a great great mom and i admire you a lot.

  • Kim Aguilar

    Good thing he’s so stinkin’ cute. My friend is swearing by her gluten/dairy free diet in regards to her squirmy, colicky, sleep-hating baby. I dunno if I could do it, but seems like lots of folks are on board with that madness. Just a thought.

  • Sunday Grant Photography

    Oh my goodness, 90 days already!! That means Hollings is 100 and something. Oh I could cry! For BellaRose the bouncy and walking and such did not end for a long time! I think once she could sit up on her own our life changed. For Hollings it has been Gripe water all the way. We are believers here. I know you have tried it, but it certainly helped Hollings little belly. Gus really is so freaking cute! I hope you have earplugs for in the car! That too worked for me.

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