Christmas Break #3

KatieKate and the fam are visiting family in Texas this week, but I thought I’d leave you with a few of my favorite reads from memory lane. Here’s the Deer Story from last year… one of the most read, most commented-on stories.  Just wait until you hear THIS YEAR’s.  Next week, maybe 🙂

originally posted November 23, 2009

So, it goes like this:

[night-time, just before sleep]

boy: I’m gonna try my luck in the deer stand at dawn.  I have a really good feeling.

girl: You bet. Also, I am the coolest wife you’ll ever have.

[sleep]

[morning, girl and child awake to boy walking hurriedly up from the back 40]

boy: I got him.  I got it.  I got a 10 point. I got a ten point buck.

[girl and child freak out and boy claps a little in boyish excitement]

[boy returns to the woods to tag the deer, dress the deer, and bring the deer up to the pole barn to hang for the day.  The deer will stay in the pole barn until Boy returns from work, changes out of his button-down shirt, and takes the deer to the butcher.]

[boy calls at 5:30]

[PM]

boy: I’m not going to make it.  I’ve been in this meeting all day and we’ve still got two hours to go.

girl: Well, it’s cold enough.  I’m sure Buck will be fine overnight.

boy: Yes… but, uh.  Um, I’m going to need you to take it in for me.

girl: No problem.

boy: Seriously?  Awesome.  I’ll get it all ready for you tonight and put it on top of the Subaru.

[reality sinks in]

girl: On top of the Subaru?  As in, strapped to the hood of the Ru whilst I drop Rylie off at preschool with hundreds of other small children, many of whom have emotional difficulties?

boy: Just park on the side.  I’m sure it will be fine.

[girl is a bit stunned at the turns her life takes]

[the next morning girl takes child to the car, now parked in the barn]

[child balks a bit at the large cow(?) sleeping(?) on top of her sunroof]

[boy has managed to strap Buck down so that his front hooves are hanging over child’s door]

[awesome]

[girl manages to get hair snagged in Buck’s hooves, panic a little, free herself, and weakly smile at child as if everything is normal]

[girl takes child to school and shoos a circle of children away from car as she leaves in a blaze of shame and glory]

[girl drives Buck to butcher]

[butcher looks at deer]

butcher: Wow!  That’s a real nice catch!  Did you do it?

[girl looks down at her wool sweater, 30 pounds of baby-weight, and red Danskos… and then, without knowing exactly how or why, she responds]

girl:  Yes.  Yes, I did.

Please note the shadow of Abe in the Ru.

He was not pleased.

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About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

4 responses to “Christmas Break #3

  • Amy B.

    “[girl takes child to school and shoos a circle of children away from car as she leaves in a blaze of shame and glory]” – still makes me laugh until tears well in my eyes.

    I have referred so many random people to your blog for this one post; this one and the car wash one. Thanks for your candor – it helps us all feel less alone in the ridiculous turns life can take.

    Happy New Year!!!

  • Kristen Moore

    Kate!
    Both these stories (car wash and buck) made me laugh all over again!
    I especially love that you took credit for the kill. A-mazing. I saluted you then and I salute you now.
    Your inclusion of details like the baby weight and Danskos hit home for me.
    🙂

    • texasnorth

      Dude. Any man who asks a 6-month pregnant woman if she shot a 150 # buck and dragged it on to of her car… well, if he thinks I can do that I’m sure as tarnation not gonna burst his bubble 🙂

      If he’d waited another 3 months, I’d have been 20 pound heavier. FIFTY POUNDS I GAINED FOR THAT DARN KID!

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