You are wondering where I went, maybe?

Maybe not.

Betty Kluska

Many of you know that last weekend, my grandmother passed away at the age of 88 after a long and amazing life of love and loss and beauty and honesty. The kids and I packed up and hit the road to Cleveland on Tuesday. My brother flew in Tuesday night from California. Curt flew in Wednesday night from Colorado after a work trip. It was insane. Hard in all the expected ways and perfectly lovely in a million others. My grandmother had two daughters: my mom and my Aunt Bea. There are 4 children between the sisters: me and my brother, and then Brian and Sara. We all have children now… and jobs and homes and educations. It was fun to eat and play and sit around the fire with family and simply be there.

first cousins

Do you see Tyler and Gideon there on the end? Yes. That’s a reality tv show right there. We have a photo of all the second cousins on that swing from last year… and now there’s this one, though we are missing Danny’s Lucas. Next year we’ll have to get Lucas and the new cousin-to-be that Sara is expecting in there.

second cousins

Because distance, as you know, makes my children incredibly irresistible and cute and hilarious, my parents begged to take them home to Texas for a week. I will pick them up next week in St. Louis. This is the first summer all three have gone and it is the first time ever that I am without all of my children at the same time. When Ry went, I had Gideon. When Ry and Gus went, Abby stayed behind. Now they’re 4 hours from the driveway of my youth and I am sitting in a public library alone and without fear of anyone I am related to ripping pages out of a book.

What will I do, you ask?

Oh, many things.

I will go to the mall and buy underwear that actually fits, and I will do it without children escaping from the changing room and violating other customers.

John Legend wants to see me tomorrow night, and I have cleared my schedule to make that happen.

I went to the hospital today and held a newborn baby (I was invited)… and no one I was related to called the fire department in the elevator.

I will eat popcorn for dinner.

I will apparently still point out every school bus, horse, and bulldozer that I see while driving, even though the backseat is empty. Thank goodness there’s not a camera recording me whilst I drive.

I will go to church without emergency I AM DYING OF HUNGER, MOM granola bars crumbling in my purse, and I will still check the nursery numbers that pop up during the service.

I will return a million emails and attempt to write and design while the sun is high in the sky instead of well below me.

I will finish putting in the garden, and I will walk the property without watching out for children trying to electrocute their siblings. #GIDEONJAMES

I will be, I am already, a little lost. It’s quiet. The days are not quite as funny and I am not quite as interesting without my children to fill in the gaps. But I know that I desperately need to rest. This time will fly and soon the chaos and crazy… and absolute joy will return. I intend to be ready.

Excuse me.

I do believe I hear the actual brick & mortar Anthropolgie store calling me to browse its aisles… and since I have the time…



About texasnorth

TexasNorth is a little farm in Western Michigan. It's home to 5 chickens, 25 longhorn cattle, a coonhound (Banjo), 1 barn cat, a husband, and 3 ridiculously funny children. The mom of this zoo has been known to mow the lawn in a skirt and roast marshmallows after dark. View all posts by texasnorth

5 responses to “silence

  • Amy L

    Enjoy the respite friend! Aren’t parents the best?

    Please give John my regrets that I missed his show last night!

  • Missy

    Be still my heart! Enjoy dear precious mama. I loved this piece of writing so very much.

  • Margie

    I remember going to my class reunion alone, and marveling how easy it was to go into a public bathroom by myself. The concept was at the same time marvelous and baffling.

  • Anna

    I met your grandmother once (graduation, maybe?). I mainly remember the awesome through-line from her, to your mom, to you. I have seen your future, and I think you’re gonna do alright. Strong women in your family.
    My condolences on your loss.

  • Corrie

    We miss you already! Tyler especially misses his partner in crime. He asked about Gus again today… It was such a joy to see them bond so quickly and effortlessly. And Rylie- that girl! She is amazing. And don’t get me started on Abby June. I may have kept her in Ohio with me if your parents hadn’t taken her. Plans must be made, cousin. Tyler insists.

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