It has come to my attention that I sent Rylie to Camp Sebeck in Texas for the month of June with lots and lots of undies but no pyjamas. And so my bid for Mother of the Year continues.
Here are a few letters I wrote in my head to the folks I met on our trip from Grand Rapids to St. Louis and back…
After waiting for news of our train to St. Louis for 5 hours, we finally got up to board and you- of all the 800 other passengers- were standing behind us. After I got all our schtuff situated in line, I turned around to situate Rylie and found her standing quietly holding your hand. Seven hours later, Rylie was asking for your address and giving you a hug… and we were both so sad to leave you. Please move to Michigan, or at least- come visit soon. We love you very much. Very, very much.
David, Mike, and Too Hungover to introduce yourself
Congratulations on making it through your boys’ weekend, though it doesn’t appear that any of you remember much of it. You were all very Chicago-Metro-Chic and handsome, though I believe I arrived half-drunk myself from the alcohol oozing from your pores. Thanks for the throwback to college frat days and weekends with good friends. I hope you all made it home ok.
girl meeting Jason
I apologize for knowing so much about your personal life, but the volume of your cell phone conversation made every person in our train-car emotionally invested in your journey to Grand Rapids to spend some time with your F*#)ing Amazing New Boyfriend. If I may offer a word of advice: please don’t use any more of your credit cards to buy seventeen-hundred dollars worth of ‘special bedroom’ toys. If he’s as awesome as he sounds (and we all heard him), you’ll be just fine.
Mister Conductor on the Pere Marquette, your train is new and clean and awesome. Thank you for the high-fives every time you passed and the complimentary wake-up call at the Next Stop Grand Rapids. I quite literally wouldn’t have made it home without you.
Your cafe cart on the Pere Marquette knows no equal. Rylie is still talking about the man who sells giant m&ms and can whistle like a canary. You have a gift, my friend. Thank you for sharing it with us. I’ll buy a six-dollar sandwich from you any time.
the congregation of the United African Methodist Church of the blessed Father, Son, & Holy Ghost
Car #3 could barely contain your joy as you returned from a revival on Spiritual Victory in Texas. God bless you. Your three-piece suits, worn leather Bibles, perfectly placed hair, and glory hymns on the way home were like being transported back to the deep South of the 1960s in the best possible way. Thank you for reminding me that it is still possible to travel in style.
God is amazingly diverse in His creation.
Now, I ask you: