It’s always so hard for me to start again, to find my rhythm. When I do not know why to say or how to feel, I write a letter. The music always finds me there.
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GIDEON JAMES!
Did you think I had forgotten you in all the quiet of Lent? It is impossible to go a second without searching for you… in mind or on foot. Your name is usually said and spelled in ALL CAPS, either out of excitement or exasperation. Lawd, Child… if you aren’t the most full of life heartbreaker I’ve ever met. You must wear socks to bed and “baseball forts” (which, for the record, as actually basketball shorts) under all your pants just in case the weather blows fair. Most folks have never seen you without a baseball cap. You sleep in one most every night and sometimes forget to take it off in the shower.
You grasped the concept of a wish list early and were prompting us for your 4th birthday well before March 11. A trumpet. A kite. A motorcycle. A movie about dragons. A blue helicopter. A soda pop. A fishing pole. A fast bike. A boat. I’m so sorry we weren’t able to come through on some of those… but you have a lot of life left. While I do not know the number of your years, I know the quality of your days. You have logged more smiles and tears in the first four trips around the sun than many do in a lifetime. You do nothing small or quiet or gently. You love big and hit hard, Gus. You will always be my Gus Man.
You wake up slow. You love fruit loops for breakfast. You eat a peanut butter sandwich every day for lunch. You are fascinated by machines and how things work. You struggle with empathy and focus. Abby is screaming in pain because you are sitting on her but wait is that a tractor and where are your fast shoes can you have some candy? You absolutely hate going to bed, and every night since the day you were born has been a battle to that end.
You can drive a tractor by yourself and pull a wagon of passengers behind you. You can ride a 2-wheel bike. You can fly an RC helicopter (sorry it’s red) and make legitimate noise on a trumpet. You know all the names of Thomas and his friends by sight and can jump almost as high as Dad on the trampoline. You are life. Absolute untamed, unfiltered life.
My beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy.
You have thrown me into the high and low drama of being a mother of a son with the potential to change the world. I see Mary in a whole new light after meeting you, living with you, loving you. You can break my heart and save the day in a matter of minutes separated only by tears and laughter. Certainly, you have a mind of capable of comprehension, but should you find yourself lacking you will excel by sheer determination, bruises be damned. You are the middle child with no concept of being lost… only being where you never have been before.
All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am: I am your biggest fan, your toughest critic, and your only mother. May you seek God’s face and desperately, gleefully chase after His heart. May I be the kind of parent who you gives you room to roam and as few hints as possible. Be wild at heart and compassionate in victory. I will be the one you see every time you turn around. But look ahead- eyes in front, Son. See all Christ has in store for you, which is immeasurably more than you can imagine, Child. So. Much. More.
You are worth every tear, every bruise, every broken anything.
I absolutely adore you.
Love, Mom
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April 28th, 2014 at 6:49 am
Even those of us who only admire you from afar, love you and pray GREAT things for you, Gideon! Happy Birfday!!
April 28th, 2014 at 7:29 am
Happy Birthday Gideon! May your day be as wonderful as you are, and the stars shine extra bright over you at night 🙂
April 28th, 2014 at 8:18 am
I can’t believe he’s four! What a wonderful bundle of life and passion! Happy Birthday, Gideon! You are amazing!
April 28th, 2014 at 1:15 pm
I love the pic of him on the rail. And I love that he wanted a soda pop. Surely you came through with a coke on that one. 🙂 Ike has the same helicopter and LOVES it. (but I think Keith loves it more)
April 28th, 2014 at 2:03 pm
You’re back! SO glad. And your letters to your children always pierce my heart, and I only know of them through your writing (which says something for your writing, of course). This one, especially. Solider on, dear Gideon.
April 28th, 2014 at 2:04 pm
**ahem. That was meant to say SOLDIER on. OK. **
April 30th, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Awe, Happy BIrthday to Gideon.
May 2nd, 2014 at 9:14 am
This is absolutely FANTASTIC. SuperKid. It’s the only name for him.